By righini | Published:
29 June, 2009
When it comes to deal with our dreams, we can:
- lose
- do a step in the right direction everyday
- just forget them.
You can put those dreams away or you can ride them, it’s just a matter of choosing right moment and keeping the will and bravery to get what we want, everyday (yes, for common people this means to lose).
During our days we may become villains simply heading to our objectives. It’s easy to forget our human gentleness, just a bump on someone without saying “sorry” and that day is gone (yes, that means losing while becoming a bad person).
That happened today, I looked in the mirror (not my bathroom mirror, it’s a metaphorical inner mirror, ok?) and thought: simone, you are a shit person. And that’s not the worst thing.
It’s even worse when we have to struggle against the dreams of our mate: that’s an instant and complete defeat. Even if we force ourselves to accept that new and far job, that foreign study vacation, those new ambitions and these new friends. We are just split in fear and no winning options are available. While we can be happy for our mate’s new great things in life, we must prepare to be alone again.
What will you choose?
- a poor, messed up life full of love and random painful love
- a giant, empty, clean house (alone… but everything under control!)
By righini | Published:
24 June, 2009
For me it’s strange to exit my house leaving dirty dishes in the sink. The food fixes and I know that the more I wait the harder it will be to clean. So I usually wash the whole kitchen surface just after my meals. In my old psychology class I’ve heard about compulsive cleaning behaviors but I never felt one of those maniacs since I can live in the dirt as well: I must say to myself “this is a momentary situation, normal times will come back soon”.
Now that I know that I could be officially one of those maniacs, I know that my actions are always a clear message of my inner self. Even though I can consider myself victorious after this sardinian working holiday experience, I’m still living in my temporary empty house full of ghosts and procrastination and no hope to change the state of the things.
So, for the first time I turned on the air conditioning. The official reason was “alleviate the hot season” but the fact is “I dont’ pay for it, who cares?”. After few days of virtual winter in the middle of the summer, I came back to my dear environmental ideas, so the conditioning was turned off, no matter the outside temperature. I always liked cool ideas rather than a cool environment.
All my temporary/cleaning/commitment/responsibility theories have always been there to help me survive in my solitude. I forced myself to solitude to learn how to survive to the life as a part of a loving couple. I know that one should learn that couple life thing while living in a couple. I tried. But my learning pattern is also available on contradictory situations: I can learn what I want to be just looking at someone that I don’t like. I’m forced to learn this way since I don’t find positive examples around me. I can only see:
and I dont feel I can fit in any of these. Cleaning my dishes is just a part of life survival, but it’s also trying to reject something considered dirty. And yes, I consider myself dirty.
By righini | Published:
14 June, 2009
- nothing better to do in real life + hope to get a better life
- knowledge
- contact with far and cool people
- work
- casual videogaming and multiplayer shooters
- music: discover and download
- write and publish my stuff for anonymous people that rarely replies
- search for another dream job + dream girl + dream game
- lol, porn, forum short talk
- buy stuff
As you can see, there is something wrong. What’s your top 10?
By righini | Published:
8 June, 2009
As I grow professionally I feel a direct personal loss of values. Working I learn to think in a task conclusion oriented mode: I cannot do the same with my friend(s) or family.
- understand context, know my task.
- do it and publish
- think how could i do it faster/better/stronger
- find new tasks
these things are useless without personal presence.
To be a nice person, a light way of thinking is needed: the perpetuous “I dont care how things are going” being easy like mood. The LOL is not enough to be a friend, and the “I care about you” is not enough to act as a family member.
So I try to remove my personal presence in contexts where it’s not really needed. I bring myself from a company to another, I switch homes as easily as to choose a restaurant for dinner.
At the same time I’m becoming a perfect customer. I dont spend time in personal rants about errors in products I buy, only if they ask for feedback I give it. I simply do the possible to get what I pay for, and when it’s not possible I think which kind of effort is necessary to switch to another product, and if it’s convenient, switch.
While I’m growing the need for a time management tool, The RRR* has just reopened in the middle of Sardinia, get in touch to book a free vacation (until June 30th). I just relocated because I was missing my family and now… I relocated to understand what I was missing.
Too bad relocating doesn’t give anything to find the bravery to desire what I really need.
Most of the times I just feel wrong, like a man in the middle of a tornado. I just hang on and resist and hope of not being a bad person while surviving.
